Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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