When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize