I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize