Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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