Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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