Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize