Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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