btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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