i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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