I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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