ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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