First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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