So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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