i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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