Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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