worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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