oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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