you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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