Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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