just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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