I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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