Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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