I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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