Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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