You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you would pick up someone in the library
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize