Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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