I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize