i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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