You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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