she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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