my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
be right there i have to get my cape
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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