i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize