We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize