Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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