just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize