was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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