And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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