You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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