corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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