i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize