just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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