I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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