I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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