I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize