Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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