I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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