The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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