forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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