I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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