i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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